I'm Back!

Always give thought to good advice. Though you may choose to dismiss it, keep in mind that it was given to you for a reason. Maybe your experience has been overcome by someone else. Maybe now is the time to try a new routine. Whatever tribulations you may be facing, consider the words from the ones who love you.

Over the last year I’ve had my ups, but mostly downs. It’s almost impossible to keep sane when you know the day after tomorrow will be just as sucky as yesterday. And today. And tomorrow.  There isn’t a light waiting for you at the end of your continuous meander through the tunnel of darkness, and every step you take adds a load to whatever burden you are already carrying. After having all that weight on your chest you’d think that you might become stronger throughout your journey, but you don’t.

So each moon turns into a sun and back into a moon in one continuous laps of time that really doesn’t seem to mean anything anyway. Daily routines become monotonous and the only escape from the dizzying continuum is the sleep that you may or may not be lucky enough to experience.

I think after all this time I’ve gotten quite good at treading water to keep myself from sinking and I’m pretty proud of that. I’ve tried my hardest to depend only on myself as to not drag others down with me. (That’s what happens when you try to help someone with depression; they are a black hole of nothing and no matter what you do, you’ll always find yourself feeling more and more sucked into their darkness). I hate watching people I love crumble right before my eyes because of me.

But I didn’t start writing again to throw a pity party for myself, expecting you all to arrive and rescue me. I’m writing because I want to formally announce that I’m okay again. And I hope to be okay for a long while. I’ve gotten my closure; the scabs I kept picking are now scars that will soon fade away. I’ve removed all of my timeworn mementos and created a brand new beginning for myself. And since doing so, I’ve found that all I had to do this entire time was to jump. Jump and not look back. So I did. And I’ve landed in something refreshing.

There is a new smile that makes me walk around cheesing like an idiot; a smile that has scars of its own. A smile that mirrors mine. It’s nice to see a reflection that is independent and strong and resolute in its morals and values, even though some are different than mine. I’m anticipating a long labyrinth that will soon become easy to navigate with this smile’s accompaniment

So here’s to that smile; welcome to my normal crazy life. I hope you stay a while