I'm Back!

Always give thought to good advice. Though you may choose to dismiss it, keep in mind that it was given to you for a reason. Maybe your experience has been overcome by someone else. Maybe now is the time to try a new routine. Whatever tribulations you may be facing, consider the words from the ones who love you.

Over the last year I’ve had my ups, but mostly downs. It’s almost impossible to keep sane when you know the day after tomorrow will be just as sucky as yesterday. And today. And tomorrow.  There isn’t a light waiting for you at the end of your continuous meander through the tunnel of darkness, and every step you take adds a load to whatever burden you are already carrying. After having all that weight on your chest you’d think that you might become stronger throughout your journey, but you don’t.

So each moon turns into a sun and back into a moon in one continuous laps of time that really doesn’t seem to mean anything anyway. Daily routines become monotonous and the only escape from the dizzying continuum is the sleep that you may or may not be lucky enough to experience.

I think after all this time I’ve gotten quite good at treading water to keep myself from sinking and I’m pretty proud of that. I’ve tried my hardest to depend only on myself as to not drag others down with me. (That’s what happens when you try to help someone with depression; they are a black hole of nothing and no matter what you do, you’ll always find yourself feeling more and more sucked into their darkness). I hate watching people I love crumble right before my eyes because of me.

But I didn’t start writing again to throw a pity party for myself, expecting you all to arrive and rescue me. I’m writing because I want to formally announce that I’m okay again. And I hope to be okay for a long while. I’ve gotten my closure; the scabs I kept picking are now scars that will soon fade away. I’ve removed all of my timeworn mementos and created a brand new beginning for myself. And since doing so, I’ve found that all I had to do this entire time was to jump. Jump and not look back. So I did. And I’ve landed in something refreshing.

There is a new smile that makes me walk around cheesing like an idiot; a smile that has scars of its own. A smile that mirrors mine. It’s nice to see a reflection that is independent and strong and resolute in its morals and values, even though some are different than mine. I’m anticipating a long labyrinth that will soon become easy to navigate with this smile’s accompaniment

So here’s to that smile; welcome to my normal crazy life. I hope you stay a while

 

Good Bye for a While

I’m writing today to say goodbye for a short while. A lot of ‘things’ have been going on lately. My bipolar cycles were up, and what goes up must come down; the depression is coming down harder than that rain that pummeled the east coast last week. That was some rough stuff.

So I’ve deleted some social media outlets to remove myself from being poisoned by other people’s perceptions and opinions and to take the time to lick my wounds and hope that they will become bright pink scars that I can be proud of one day.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/literally-darling/loving-someone-with-depression_b_4002503.html

I’ve found this article on MSN this morning about how to love someone with depression, and I think it has a lot of credibility. It talks about how terrible it is to be told that things are ok, to cheer up, or to laugh at something funny, when none of that really matters. Depression isn’t sadness; it’s the lack of ability to do literally anything. One time I sat on my floor and cried for an hour because I couldn’t get myself to take a shower. There aren’t any reasons for it happen, it just does, so be normal and let feelings of ability reappear when they are ready.

That being said, I don’t hope for attention from this. These words are just a heads up to why I’ll be missing for a while, as well as a link to an informational link about how to love individuals with depression.

Thanks for your support. I hope to be back soon.

Today's Words

So today I’ve been thinking about the things I’ve learned the hard way; the things nobody told me. Like I always do, I’ve researched a few ideas to get my thoughts straight, and today I’m going to take a few ideas from Alex Noriega, the creator of “Stuff No One Told Me”, as well as some of my own lessons.

One day you’ll miss today. There will be a time that you wish you could go back to a very specific moment of your life. But you can’t, so make the best of every second. When you have a shit day or a nostalgic memory, today might be the day that you’ll call upon to relive. Make today a good day. Attitude is the difference between an avalanche and an adventure.

Fun is a relative concept. Do what makes you happy. Don’t feel pressured to do something you don’t want to do to please other people. If you don’t think that longboarding is fun, don’t do it just because someone wants you to, you might shatter your foot. If you want to read a book inside, read a book inside. If you want to wear a tutu to work, wear a tutu to work! Do things that will make you smile and don’t worry about appeasing anyone but yourself; you’re the only one you have to answer to at night.

Make sure to taste your words before you spit them out. Sticks and stones, right? Wrong. Words probably hurt more than physical pain because you can never unhear them. And writing bitter words is even easier to do because you don’t have to say them face to face. Always think about what you have to say before you say it. Would it hurt you if the roles were reversed? Probably… so keep them private. But on the flip side, always compliment someone if you feel it inside. Everyone likes to feel noticed; you might just make their day a little bit sweeter.

Don’t take anything too seriously, especially yourself. The ones who can laugh at themselves are the ones who love themselves the most. Take time to reminisce on that one time you were caught on camera doing something silly and smile. Everyone makes mistakes. There isn’t a single person who counts every slip-up you have, so relax and enjoy what you do. Let go of hard feelings because time moves too quickly to stay stagnant.

Wishes won’t come true by themselves; make them happen. It would be wonderful if they did, but they don’t, so work hard for what you want out of life. Open your mind to grow new ideas and stretch as far as you can to meet your goals. You get out of life what you put in.

I could go on and tell you about how I have had to learn these things the hard way, but I’d hope you’d rather read this and take something away from it. These are some things that, had I known and taken them seriously, would have landed me in different places than I’m in now. Hindsight is always 20/20. Maybe keep this in mind, and know that these are some of the things that someone DID tell you when you had the chance to listen.