Way Back Wednesday... Right Now Wednesday...

I was trolling the interwebs the other night and I tumbled across this journal entry (if that’s what we want to call it?) and I thought I’d share. Depression is a very private illness. I’ve heard some people equate the struggle with the personal struggle with cancer; other people know it’s there, but they can’t really understand the fight like you do.

“Depression does not always mean

Beautiful girls shattering at the wrists

A glorified, heroic battle for your sanity

Or mothers that never got the chance to say good-bye

 
Sometimes depression means

Not getting out of bed for three days

Because your feet refuse to believe

That they will not shatter upon impact with the floor

 
Sometimes depression means

That summoning the willpower

To go downstairs and do the laundry

Is the most impressive thing you accomplish that week

 
Sometimes depression means

Lying on the floor staring at the ceiling for hours

Because you cannot convince your body

That it is capable of movement

 
Sometimes depression means

Not being able to write for weeks

Because the only words you have to offer the world

Are trapped and drowning and I swear to God I’m trying

 
Sometimes depression means

That every single bone in your body aches

But you have to keep going through the motions

Because you are not allowed to call in to work depressed

 
Sometimes depression means

Ignoring every phone call for an entire month

Because yes, they have the right number

But you’re not the person they’re looking for, not anymore”

 
by “Alexandra” Tilton, NH (Teen Ink: November 2013 Issue)

I’ve had a handful of really bad lows over the years and I find it hard for people to understand me when I don’t even understand myself. I’ve been called lazy and a liar, people have told me that I used depression as an excuse not to do things. I was dubbed ‘No Fun Cassie’ in college because there were a lot of things that I really couldn’t do, but everyone thought I was just being boring. It’s rough, but it’s nice to know that those are the people I broke ties with in order to better myself.

To end on a high, it’s really nice out and I can’t wait to eat at our new picnic table at work for lunch. WOOP!

Cheers!